Today marks 7 years of my stroke. I almost didn't remember it. That’s how irrelevant it has become to me now.
I mean, it’s a very important event of my life. I hated it for the first 3 years. Later, I learned to accept it, then I learned to embrace it. This is actually how humans process grief always; first denial, then acceptance, then you learn to move on and then, finally, you defeat it and feel empowered by it.
This year I had my mother with me here for 10 months and so I had the time to learn a lot of new things. I’m currently pursuing a course related to writing (I’ll of course blow my own trumpet and write about it when I complete the course!). I get to learn Carnatic Classical Music and Light Music when I sit with my son for his music lessons. Writing and singing are 2 things that I’ve always loved but could never pursue officially learning it. Both of these are something I’ve explored after my stroke.
You know how when you look back at your traumas, you actually think it was for the best or that it happened for a reason? My stroke is no different. It has shaped me to the person I am today. I feel I became a better human, one with more empathy after my stroke. I also discovered the true meaning of spirituality during my recovery years. Saying your prayers aloud and singing praises of Him/Her, while harboring evil in your heart is not what God needs. It’s embracing what we have, seeing the Godliness in others is what true spirituality is.
I see God in my mom when she always flies in and takes care of my family and me with no complaints. I see God in my husband when I see him supporting me and helping me in every way. My mom didn’t have a choice because I’m her daughter, but my husband did and still does, but he always chose me.. Chose his family. I see God in my son when he understands why Amma can’t go to every event with him and he just hugs me with his most beautiful smile and says, “It’s okay. It’s not your fault. You need to rest” I see God in all my friends who alter plans to accommodate my comfort and always bring food for us without even me asking, whenever I’m sick! I see God in friends who even come stay with us to help us out! I see God in those who genuinely care for me and reach out to me. I see God in my dogs when they choose to sleep with me when I’m tired and never judge me for it.
Yes, the stroke has made a stronger, matured woman out of the naive simpleton girl I was.
And I might still hate it for many reasons for years to come, but I have definitely learned to appreciate it too for the million new things it has taught me.
Thank you life, for all the curveballs and for teaching me how to dodge them too! You little Rascal, all the traumatic things you’ve put me through, I think they have eventually turned out to be my favorites! I kinda enjoy our love-hate relationship now! And you’ve also given me a gift of forgetting and resetting whenever I need, I think you love me and sometimes I love you too!:)
Cheers to another year of surviving that darn stroke!
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